We're gonna be the greatest aunts.

My 3-month-old niece (oh hey! I’m an aunt now!) got hiccups so my sister and I brainstormed all our favourite cures and how they could be misconstrued as child abuse:

- Frighten her.
- Hold her upside down and make her swallow water. 
- Suffocate her (temporarily).

I think she’s stuck with hiccups.

Fall 2012 - Shit My Teachers Taught Me

During this semester, the TA (teachers assistants) union went on strike repeatedly, stopped reporting grades, and caused general confusion and frustration. I have no particular stance on unions except that not getting my midterm mark until finals may have resulted in Hulk-like behaviour. (If we wanted to see our marks, students could put in a special written request to a union who does not represent us who would then consider for six to eight weeks until giving us the marks we need to graduate. Maybe.)

My classes were Intro to Sociology, Quantitative Research Methods, Qualitative Research Methods, and Prostitution.
 
Yes, I said prostitution. Yes, everyone makes me repeat that.

 

Intro to Sociology

I am so glad Crim is not a sub-set of Sociology anymore.

Final project was to "be creative" on a posterboard. Because apparently posterboard is still an acceptable means of reporting knowledge.

Moving on...


Quantitative Research Methods in Criminology
My prof liked to point out fancy words (like "bivariate regression" and "kurtosis") that we could use in casual conversation with our parents so they'd feel like we're actually learning stuff. I've already forgotten what those words mean but I plan to keep using them.

My tutorial was named "Raspberry”—as opposed to "Tutorial #4"—because we were awesome and sleep-deprived like that. Someone gave the TA a bottle of raspberry Smirnoff during the last tutorial. Isn't university great!

At the final exam, my nerves were making me queasy. Or maybe it my hang-over. Either way, the prof stopped and asked if I was okay because he had a girl faint once and it was real pain for him.


Qualitative Research Methods in Criminology
Every time my Jamaican TA said "faculty" it sounded like "fuc-ulty." That is all I learnt in this class.

Oh, and transcription's a bitch.

I also wrote a 20 page research project that consumed my life for a month. I was so relieved to hand it in, until I got it back and it was full of red marks correcting my "misuse" of commas. Except there was no misuse. I know my commas. Tsk, tsk, TA Marker.  


Prostitution in Canada
Fighting to get into this class was so worth it. The prof is one of the few Canadian experts on the subject, plus he’s super old, British, and swears constantly. His favourite “argument” was how without prostitution men would explode! He would act it out. Classic.

I loved that the class had such a specific topic. I feel like I understand the whole issue now, not just as the textbook or the professor sees it. I also wrote a 15 page paper on what I think Canadian prostitution law should be that took every fiber of my student-being to write but that I’m actually quite proud of now. And it got an A!

The prof laid out all the marked papers just outside the exam room and when I picked mine up, I noticed that the one beside it had “prostitution” misspelled in the title. The prof had circled it and written “ouch...”

Did you know that if you are discussing selling/buying sex with someone in your home and the curtains are open to the street that that is illegal? But if you shut the curtains, it’s not?

Facts:

-          Prostitution is legal in Canada.

-          Prostitution law in Canada has no clear purpose and is horribly contradictory.

-          Prof’s second favourite “argument” was that women don’t buy prostitutes because they don’t want to pay for a lousy service. Heh.

 

And that’s what my teachers taught me!

A Midsummer Night's Dream

The “Dream” Cast

Five days after Mikado closed, I got lost in a forest trying to find my audition location.

But I got a part in A Midsummer Night's Dream! I’m Peaseblossom and Fairy. I think I do fae better than human. Too much glitter as a child?

Also, did you know that an entire Shakespeare play can be read in one go? That it does not have to be broken down and spread out over a semester? And that it can be fun? Someone needs to tell the English departments asap.

Rehearsals

Rehearsals were held at an old camp with a big grassy field surrounded by cabins. June flew by because I had all of two rehearsals, and then rehearsals (for me, at least) began in earnest in July. The cast was an odd mixture of G&S people and former students of the directors. And all were extremely good-looking. Am I allowed to say that? I’ve never been in such an attractive cast.

My scenes were mostly with the Fairy Queen and the other three fairies. We also had two dances—choreography was killer indoors without A/C—and one song that we created ourselves using a background track and a shorter version of Shakespeare’s lyrics.

There was a lot of music in the show. I’m not sure what soundtrack they used, but most was quite light with a Celtic feel. The fairy entrance music got to the point where we’d wake up—leap up—just hearing it.

 

 

When we were able to, we rehearsed outdoors on the grass. So freeing! And dirty! But freeing! Fairies do much better with space to play and frolic and the show became more cohesive as larger chunks were played out at once.

 

Unfortunately, working outside meant working with outside noises. Once during our lullaby, a group of motorcycles drove past. During one of Helena’s speeches, an airplane flew overhead, a truck drove past, and a nearby train blasted its horn. She paused for each, and kept going.

 

We did a photoshoot in costume on the beach for promo shots—fun but a little awkward as it was one of the first rehearsals and the fairies didn’t all know each other. One picture was of all five of us—fairies with Queen—jumping off a log and “flying.” As I learned much, much later, the other four were going for a floaty look, whereas I went for a spread-eagle look. Sigh.

We also practiced using “magic dust” for the scenes with spells. The only characters who got mic’d were Oberon—the Fairy King—Titania and Puck, and only when they were saying spells. It was a cool effect but glitter in the eye still sucks. A couple different types were tried out and a couple different cast mates ended up with glitter permanently embedded in their skin.

 

During our first full-costume rehearsal, there was a thunderstorm. Drenching rain, hissing wind, shining lightning, the whole shebang. Suddenly the magical scenes became so much more magical. And awesome!

 

…Especially since I had a ride home that night. Most nights, I took two buses each way, about an hour in transit. This was only bearable since two—sometimes more!—of us took the same route and there was a Tim Hortons halfway through.

This was my first real play and my first Shakespeare, so I was getting nervous. My scene with Puck opened with me dancing and being silly until she interrupted me. To be honest, dancing and being silly—silently—was my favourite part of the scene. But the rest of it was still fun. Puck’s miming of acorn cups always got a laugh and we were plain goofy.

 

Meanwhile, the lovers scenes were becoming more and more established. The amount of lines they memorized—and understood—was crazy intimidating but it made so much more sense with their physicality. There was a fight scene between Lysander and Demetrius where they bitch slapped and pinched and punched and then attempted to canoodle with Helena. And all of Helena’s scenes were spectacular. Girl could recite a grocery list and still have presence.

 

There was a slight hitch when Demetrius showed up at rehearsal with half—just half!—of his hair shorn off. Right side of his head was shaggy. Left side was bald with bangs. This was eventually solved with a surprisingly realistic comb-over in which everyone breathed a sigh of relief and the stage managers sent out a stern email about appearances.

 

A few weeks before opening, the fairies had a make-up rehearsal in which we all met up at a school and played with glitter while back-combing our hair. The directors wanted untraditional make-up, more animalistic than girly. I ended up with a firebird on my nose—gold and brown wings—with peacock circles on one side, and golden, glittering fake eyelashes.

 

And did I mention glitter? And more glitter? And—oh look! More glitter!

Since the society was brand new—Midsummer was their first show—we didn’t know how ticket sales would go. But within days of tickets being released online, all five shows sold out completely! Over a thousand tickets!

 

On the Sunday before opening, we got to rehearse at the venue for the first time. It was spectacular. The stage was built outdoors on the edge of the beach, under a great big white tent so that the audience could look past the actors at the water.

The greenroom was another tent blocked off by potted trees, with corners curtained off for changing and plastic interlocking flooring with bottles of glitter hairspray everywhere. The outside, where the audience members would come in towards the main tent, was decorated with flags and candles and signs with fancy old-English-style writing. Considering a week beforehand it had been nothing but a gravel lot, it was startling pretty, especially during sunset. The only downside to the venue was, alas, the port-a-pottys.

 

 

For that rehearsal--the last normal rehearsal--I came straight from work, which made for the start of a long week. I was nervous because we were days from opening and I was still getting the same note from the directors since we’d begun: be louder. For months, every rehearsal, same note; and it was wearing on me that I couldn’t seem to improve.

 

Tech Rehearsal (Monday)

At tech rehearsal, we had bigger problems than projection. Some of the Rude Mechanicals had taken to playing and experimenting onstage during their scenes, instead of what the directors had preferred in earlier rehearsals. This caused some issues since playing made the show longer, and because the amount of physicality meant that deviating could be dangerous. Also, kinda unprofessional.

 

…which led to friction between actors which led to tech rehearsal being stopped entirely. Drama!

 

Eventually, things were tentatively worked out and rehearsal resumed amidst considerable tension and gossip. The gossip was typical, but the tension was new.

Dress Rehearsal (Tuesday)

At dress rehearsal, relations amongst the cast improved, while I fretted over shoes and lines. I was wearing soft jazz shoes, that are really just cloth with elastic overtop. I wore them in Mikado, but here we were walking outdoors on gravel  and it was uncomfortable, sometimes painful.

 

The costumers couldn’t do anything about my shoes or the gravel, but I was able to talk directly with one of the directors about projection. Specifically, my lack of projection and why am I such a failure. She gave me some pointers and reminded me that I’m up against an ocean.

 

That night I didn’t feel nervous. My scene went great. It felt great. I projected the crap outta it, as loud as I could, and at intermission, one of the directors told me I’d nailed it.

 

Ready for Opening Night!
 

Opening Night! (Wednesday)

We got a standing ovation!

 

Our first real audience—who all had real sunglasses. Their gorgeous view of the stage in front of the water was hindered by the full blast of the sun at sunset, so everyone was given a pair. It worked fine, but for us on stage, it made them all look like secret agents.

I almost—but didn’t!— slip during one of the dances. The stage is particularly slippery because it’s dusty and our jazz shoes have become increasingly less stable as they become smoother with wear. In one dance, I have to run all the way around the stage, a big circle where I run behind Stumpy-the-Chair, right at the far edge of the stage.

 

The stage is six feet high and does not have a railing. Or a safety net for clumsy fairies.

 

I did not fall, thankfully, although I did do a wacky arm movement for balance. Running around the edge will now be considerably slower...

We also experienced the singular experience of Hermia’s burping. Hermia—a very sweet woman who wears an elaborate blonde wig for each show—gets nervous before and during shows and it makes her burp. Loudly. It’s actually quite impressive for such a loud sound to come from such a petite body.

 

Second show (Thursday) 

I made the ‘projection team!’ During a pre-show group talk with the directors, they pointed me out as being one of the loudest in the cast. Finally!

We did a group warm-up, the fairies ran through our lullaby harmonies, I ran through my mini-monologue, and Helena, Hermia and Puck squatted and made very low frog sounds. Everyone has their own warm-up. Don’t judge.

 

My costume was easy as I didn’t have any changes during the show. It was a green bodysuit with “seaweed” all over it (but I am not a frog and will not respond to ‘Froggy’). The lovers and their entourage all had to change into formal wear for the last act however, and the rude mechanicals had to get into their play-within-a-play costumes. The fairies helped by putting lipstick on a man and helping the lion get his roar on. Always fun.

This show was particularly nerve-wracking as my sister and our choreographer were coming. But it went well! No major slip-ups and I projected the hell outta that stage!

Third Show (Friday)

Another sold-out crowd, another standing ovation!

 

It’s a little weird sitting side by side with my boyfriend while we both do our make-up. I guess that’s show business, but it’s still weird. Once when I was half-way through my make-up, with mostly browns on my face, he turned to me and said, “You look like I beat you.”

We did our group warm-up, which ended with everyone shouting “came in her eye!” before separating. Immature maybe, but it’s an actual line in the show.

 

Not actual lines include a game sometimes played while everyone did their make-up: replace a word in a line with ‘butthole.’ Also immature. Also fun. (“Now the hungry butthole roars...” “You juggler! You canker-blossom! You butthole!”)

 

The lovers had a bit of a flub during their scene, when a line was missed and the rhythm stuttered until they got back into it. It was a tiny flub, but Shakespeare is so particular that there’s no ad libbing possible.

 

Near the very end of the show, Puck has a monologue where she whispers spookily, “Now the hungry lion roars, and the wolf howls at the moon.” Tonight, she said, “Not the hungry lion roars,” and immediately a speedboat off on the water started up its engine making a huge roaring sound! So perfect it sounded rigged!

 

After the standing O, we ran offstage after the bows, into the greenroom, and everyone danced and chanted, “Bergomask!” over and over again until we were happily exhausted. A perfect ending to a great night!

 

Fourth Show (Saturday)

It was much breezier tonight, meaning more waves and therefore more background noise to overcome. But fewer mosquitos!

 

With the wind came some angry clouds but—luckily—no thunderstorms. Even light rain would make the show difficult as there’s no cover between the greenroom and any entrance to the stage. But any lightning would mean the whole show would have to be canceled because our tent is held up by lovely metal poles.

 

The audience was absolutely fantastic, very responsive. They laughed right at the start of my scene with Puck and again at Puck’s acorn cups. They’re funny moments but it’s the first time the audience sees fairies—any fairy—so often they don’t get many laughs. But not tonight!

 

Puck was played by a woman—not entirely uncommon—who was incredibly flexible and could contort herself into the oddest positions. She clapped with her feet, leaped fearlessly, and made a green spandex bodysuit look good (I know, I didn’t think I could be done either). The bows were originally staged to have the lovers bow last but this was changed after a few shows—on recommendation from the lovers—that she take the last bow. And from the audience’s reaction to her, they agreed.

Unfortunately, during the last act during the wedding entertainment tonight, one of the lovers’ goblets of water was knocked over. There wasn’t much water in it, and nothing they could do about it at the time.

 

In itself, not a big deal. Until us fairies came on after them to dance, and one of us slipped. Not me! She was up in a snap but the thud gave it away. In other news, we got a review praising the entire show, including the fairies lullaby for our harmonies!

 

Closing Night (Sunday)

The end is nigh!

 

We got to set super early for the cast photo and so we could do our make-up in the squishy greenroom (seven mirrors, twenty odd cast members…) in peace. I ended up spending most of the afternoon talking with my Fairy Queen, who’d I gotten to know fairly well, and taking many, many pictures.

 

The stage manager played 90’s rock hits over the speaker while our other stage manager danced with us—spontaneous dancing was her specialty—as we got ready. My hair doubles in size when I backcomb it. Sad, yet impressive.

 

During the show, we can hear what’s going on through the speakers and we can sneak behind the tent and peek through to watch. I usually only watched a few scenes a night, depending on when I was ready and what else there was to do. Some of the others played Headbands backstage, and Philostrate used to read Plato (and she finished it too!).

 

There were a few scenes that I just loved to watch. The opening where Theseus chases the giggling Hippolyta onstage and attempts to steal her apple. The lovers fights—between Lysander and Demetrius, and between Hermia and Helena—were so much fun and a prime example of why Shakespeare should be seen and not just read (ahem, every English department ever).

 

Near the beginning, Helena tells Dementius that she is utterly willing and would be happy if he treated her merely as a dog. It’s a scene I never particularly liked until Helena brought out her puppy dog eyes and looked so adorable imitating a cocker spaniel that how could you not want her! There was also a scene where Lysander—under a spell—takes a look at Hermia and is so disgusted with her that he almost vomits as he exits. Priceless.

 

The play-within-a-play scene was utter ridiculousness. I still don’t know what ‘loam’ is and suspect the others don’t either, but it must be impressive. Plus, the Wall got both his ears kissed by men. Always fun. Meanwhile, the Director character mouthed along the lines with the actors in the corner, the lion roared, the man used falsetto, the woman (but not the woman character) snapped, and Bottom died. Insanity.

A wonderful way to spend the summer!

Um...

Things That Make Our City Awesome:

- The woman at the bus stop with the massive white furry teddy bear plopped beside her. Size of a small child. Everyone else standing around as if that's totally normal. Just another day, just another teddy bear.


Things That Make Our City, uh, less Awesome

- Um...

...but seriously, you should have seen the size of this teddy bear!

(This is what happens when I save something as a draft and a year goes by before I see it again...)

My day started so well.

Statistics. Today's class wasn't so bad since the midterm is Thursday so all the prof did was review and remind us to stay calm. He's very soothing like that. He doesn't get gruff till the results are posted and everyone protests the marking scheme.

Then I walked outside and was greeted with this:

My bus drove for all of ninety seconds before pulling over. Driver walked out. I sat there. Driver walked in, said we ain't going no where till the salt truck goes down first, so I went to get some coffee. Sometimes I think they really didn't think it through when they built a school on a mountain.

My boot was feeling kinda funny, but it wasn't until after the bus made it down the mountain and the skytrain made it all the way back, that I realized why.

I went into Emergency Shopping Mode (that's the best mode, FYI) and bought a new pair of flats. Then I took my beloved over-the-knee boots that had gotten me through the winter and threw them in the trash. It was bittersweet.

In my next class, we spent two hours watching a movie about the '60s. I took notes about hippies, the Beatles and birth control pills. Why do I go to school again?

Five by Five

1) I spent an hour this morning moving thousands of dollars worth of paintings into a washroom. Ain't art grand?

2) When my doctor walked in, I automatically asked him how he was and he said, "Better than you because my blood work ain't all over the place." Well, shit.

3) On my way to an audition, I got lost in a forest. Again. How come this keeps happening?

4) Walked into Step class drinking Starbucks. Something's wrong here.

5) I feel bad for making the eye doctor wait while I'm crying, dabbing Kleenex and blinking frantically up at the ceiling. But at the same time—you stuck a needle in my eye. An actual needle. In my actual eye. You can gimme a minute. 

"Brilliant"

I have a 4.0 GPA, have read all of Edgar Allan Poe's poetry, and have been referred to as a walking-talking-dictionary.

And it took me twenty minutes to assemble this box. 

Chapters makes me happy for so many reasons

Shit My Teachers Taught Me: Spring 2012

Last semester I took Criminal Law, Sociological Explanations of Criminal Behavior, and Stats for Dummies. I mean Stats.

The man in the blue-green spandex was my Criminal Law professor.

And that was Spring 2012.

The Mikado: Week One

DRESS REHEARSAL

It's here! Dress rehearsal is supposed to be as close to a proper show as can be, so everyone wore full make-up and costume.

The dressing room was one large co-ed room, with props--not ours--everywhere. Stacks of boxes labeled "feather boas" and "4-person dragon costume" and "french maid outfits." In the ladies fitting room, I used to leave my day clothes on a knight's shield. There was a a large rack in the main room filled entirely with dusty glasses. Champagne glasses, wine goblets, beer mugs, all with a sign that read DO NOT USE! ...BUT IF YOU DO, WASH AND REPLACE WHERE YOU FOUND IT.

Our wigs were set up at our station when we walked in. Isn't it pretty! It didn't feel pretty. It felt like a mushroom on my head.

My poor dance partner had to apply make-up for the very first time. He lifted the lip liner to his face, stared hard at the mirror, and said, "I'm an artist, I should be able to do this."

Another male chorus member, a 6'4" teenage boy, held up the pair of ballet tights he was expected to wear. They were approximately two feet long. And pink. The look on his face of utter disbelief. I promised him they'd stretch.

Our Pooh-Bah is more familiar with putting on stage make-up, but not with putting on a long handlebar moustache. The glue didn't work very well tonight. So we turned it into a unibrow. And then made it crooked. And stuck it on his nose. Upside down.

For my part, I have a gorgeous lime green kimono--but no obi. It's not ready yet. Without the obi to secure it better, my kimono kept flashing lots of leg every time I kneeled. Or moved. Or sat or stood or walked or danced or polka'ed. Yup. I'm that schoolgirl.

PREVIEW NIGHT

Tonight's show was...interesting. Isn't that a good word? Interesting.

The stage is definitely smaller than expected. It's narrower and the set--two sets of stairs with sliding screen doors--takes up a lot of space.

At intermission, our choreographer stepped into the greenroom and said, "What do you people have against the damn stairs!" and for the first time since we've moved in, the greenroom went dead silent.

...So during Act II, we made sure there were always lots of people standing on the stairs!

Also during Act II, the Lord High Executioner announces to the Mikado that the coroner has just handed him the death certificate. And that would be when Pooh-Bah, aka the coroner, hands him the death certificate.

...Unless Pooh-Bah forgets the death certificate. Unless the death certificate is currently lying on the props table off stage left. Since there was really no way to continue the scene--which involves reading the death certificate--Pooh-Bah scrambled up, snatched it from offstage, and came back in record time while everyone paused and tried not to panic under the stage lights and the audience's stares.

Also, later on Pooh-Bah's moustache fell off so far, he ripped it right off onstage, and I nearly did a faceplant through the screendoor while I balanced on a stack of plywood. Actual plywood. During Yum-Yum's solo, two of us kneel behind the screendoors and a backlight casts our shadow while we do a pretty little fan dance.

OPENING NIGHT

Apparently, yesterday sucked. In fact, it sucked so much that the choreographer came in with seven pages worth of changes tonight, which included taking two thirds of the chorus and sticking them on the stairs, where they will stand for the big dance numbers. Six chorus members, myself included, still get to dance.

After quickly marking through the changes on stage after vocal warm-up, we finished getting ready and played on our gameboys. Well, one Japanese eighteen-and-under schoolgirl did, in full costume. The rest of us just took pictures. The show went much smoother than last night's, despite the last minute changes. It helped that when it came time to dance, there was actually space to dance in. Always a plus. In fact, our choreographer said we looked like "a company." Yay!

GALA!

Gala began with daffodils and Mini Eggs--that's guarantees a good show, right?

The audience was filled with VIPs: former directors, producers and actors. Anyone who's been someone. They know all the lyrics and all the dialogue so for heaven's sake do not screw up!

KoKo, the Lord High Executioner, was feeling the pressure. He has a line right before the girls entrance where he says that his bride and her sisters approach. Except tonight, he said his daughters and her bride approach.

Any other night, that could have been covered up. But on Gala, it had to be acknowledged--and got a good laugh.

I hadn't gotten too nervous during the shows yet...until our first entrance tonight when I ran out and immediately started recognizing people all over the place. The knowledge of who was out there was nervewracking. I had to force myself not to search faces because it would only freak me out more.

When the final curtain closed, we raced up to the dressing room. I mean, we booked it up there. I had everything planned so I could get ready in record time and for once, it actually worked. I wore a floor length, black gown. What is it about floor length that makes all dresses seem so much fancier?

SHOW FOUR (Saturday Night)

Figures the night I screw up is the night my parents come.

During the Act 1 finale, my fan fell and skidded downstage centre. I picked it up moments later when I flirt with Nanki-Poo, but then once the couples dancing started, my partner's fan slipped from his obi and thudded onto the ground. I picked up his too, and then moments after that, Nanki-Poos fan went flying and my partner picked it up.

It was not good a night for fans.

Also, the safety pin on my kimono came undone and kept stabbing me. Then, the Mikado decided to spice things up by ad libbing a long a cappella solo that the chorus was unprepared for--warning would be nice, thanks--and during one part where two girls make a bridge with their parasols and we all run under, the top of my wig smacked against the parasols when I went through.

Sigh.

Overall, it was a great show but for me...an awful, awful show. I ate three cookies, 1 bag of mini eggs, and may or may not have ended the night with a shot of tequila.

Oh show business, thou art a heartless bitch.

SHOW FIVE (Sunday Matinee)

We spent half an hour at the beach before heading to the theatre today. I think some time at the ocean was well-appreciated since performing full-out every night has started to catch up to us. The male lead is sick, and a few of the others are coughing. My voice was definitely not as strong as usual.

One of the show's most iconic songs is KoKo's "I've Got A Little List," where he names all the people who, if they died, no one would care about. Our version includes 90-lb models who think they're fat, the entire cast of Jersey Shore, and directors who change the lyrics to songs. Everything rhymes with missed or list until "that really gets me--mad." Love that line.

There was one goof at the start of the third number that the ladies chorus is in. It starts with one of the guys dancing funny and then we imitate him. Except tonight, the music was late to start so he started dancing...and then danced some more until the music came in.

The silhouette scene seemed to go better--blind synchronization has not been our friend. However, my mother, my sister and my boyfriend all thought I was the silhouette on house right. I'm not! House left, stage right!

And if that's too confusing, I'm the one doing it correctly. (Did I say that?)

The Mikado: Week Two

SHOW SIX (Wednesday evening)

Packed house--it is so weird to have a balcony. I keep forgetting they're there and then suddenly I'll see light flashing off of someone's watch and it totally throws me off.

My parents came again tonight so my dance partner and I made a pack before going on that we would not drop our fans and it totally worked.

Act two went smoothly--except for the Mikado's ad libbed cadenza which confuzzles the heck out of the chorus still. Whoops.

The male lead is now feeling better, but the Mikado is now feeling worse. Peep Bo is now over her cold, Peep Bo Unofficial Understudy now has a cold. I hardly had a voice yesterday morning, but it got better and I refuse to think of illness as a possibility. I am not going to get sick. Decision made.

SHOW SEVEN (Thursday evening)

After a warning of no more ad libbing! (a rule, along with underwear is mandatory) and a re-visit of "Mi-ya Sa-ma" choreography, we all finished getting ready as the audience piled in. Another fantastically crowded audience, albeit a quieter one than we've been having lately.

Backstage, we had fun gossiping about about the back story of the prego chorusgirl. In reality, she's married; in the show, she's the slutty schoolgirl who had a fling with Nanki-Poo, which accidentally led to the incarceration of KoKo. Unless KoKo's really the father. Scandal in Titti-Poo!

Everything went fine until the Act I finale. At the end, Katisha barrels through the crowd, whacking at people, threatening everyone, and being generally angry and violent. Since my dance partner is the farthest stage right, they discussed shoving him so that he could fall back and emphasis her strength even more. Tonight, she growled and burst through us, shoving him aside. He flew back onto the floor, his kimono flipping up, legs sprawled out and showing a great deal of ballet pink tights.

There is a very good reason why underwear is mandatory.

Thankfully, he had remembered underwear but forgotten to wear shorts under his kimono, as everyone usually does. Since his kimono doesn't typically flap about too much, he also didn't pin it together so there was nothing holding it in place as he fell backwards.

That's one way to end Act I!

SHOW EIGHT (Friday evening)

I forgot to wash my tights last night, and when I got home from work, I opened the fridge door and there was  note taped inside that read, "YOUR TIGHTS ARE IN THE DRYER!" There was another tape to my bathroom mirror. Thanks, Mom!

Our make-up for the show involves cat eyes and bow lips, which are super cute. But if you mess up with liquid eyeliner, there's only so many times you can fix it before you look like a victim from Law and Order.

No kimono flashing tonight! However, Yum-Yum broke her mirror and promptly stole the next line, one of my bosses sat front row centre, and I sniffled and smiled and tried not to be sick.

(But I'm totally sick.)

(Blefhg!)

CLOSING NIGHT

Runny noses on stage are not fun.

BUT closing shows? So much fun! Every time we rushed off the stage, everyone would burst into "That's the last time I'll faint in your arms!" "That's the end of our train of little ladies!" "That's my last death scene! ...Hopefully."

As the curtain closed at the end of the show, we waited until the audience cleared out to take our cast photo. Then we booked it to the dressing room! Obis got packed, kimono sleeves were flying all over the place, shoes were manhandled (literally, one guy took off his ballet shoes and pitched them into the trash). 

I got dressed and leaped out of the dressing room all the way to the lobby to meet my brother and his girlfriend. When I got back to the dressing room, I finished wiping off my stage make-up and promptly replaced it with normal make-up, much to the amusement of my dance partner, who is very thankful to never wear stage foundation ever again, thank you very much.

Striking the set is beautifully choreographed chaos in which I take no part. I put my props away, clear my station, and help with the cleaning. I stay far away from power drills, splintering wood, and any kind of lifting that involves multiple people on the count of three.

The goal was to get everything loaded into the truck as quickly as possible--so we could all go to Boston Pizza and start partying. We were doing well until my friend--also my ride--realized she'd locked her keys in her car.

Uh...

Our Lord High Executioner thought he could open it with a coat hanger, and our set builder went all MacGyver with a plastic bottle and double sided tape, but neither of them could break in. A dozen people from our cast and crew gathered and after about half an hour of waiting and hoping, BCAA arrived and popped open the passenger door.

Despite the late start, everyone was still in full adrenaline mode and wide awake when we finally all got to the restaurant. The director began with everyone's favourite part of the cast party: the crudes.

C.R.U.D.E's. Creative Really Unusual Dramatic Entertainment.

For Best Use of a Prop Without the Aid of a Director, I was nominated for dropping my fan and nearly killing the male lead, one of the girls was nominated for smacking one of the others in the face with a parasol, and the Yum-Yum won for breaking her hand mirror onstage and then promptly becoming so flustered that she gave away the punchline.

For Best Dialogue Without the Aid of a Script, KoKo, Pish-Tush and Pooh-Bah were nominated for threatening to behead an audience member ("Substitute!") when their cellphone rang mid-scene, KoKo was nominated for adding Nickleback to his list of people who wouldn't be missed, Pooh-Bah was nominated for using the word 'versimilatude' five times in one line, and KoKo won for calling the entire female chorus his "daughters."

My dance partner won for flashing the audience--repeatedly!--and then the ultimate CRUDE, the I-Wrote-The-Words-On-My-Gloves Award, was bestowed upon Pooh-Bah for his Preview Night slip-up when he forgot his scroll and had to scamper offstage to get it while everyone waited onstage.

After CRUDEs, came the Harmony award (to the male lead), the scholarship (to me!) and a special thank-you plaque to our choreographer for years of love, dedication, and general putting up with us.

One by one, people left. Some made speeches, most gave hugs, and eventually our Mikado family dispersed.

Till next show.

Five-by-Five

1) I fail at yoga. Such fail. I think I need a hip replacement.

2) Smuggled Tim Hortons coffees into a movie theatre--that's how you know you're a grown-up, when you smuggle coffee instead of Jub-Jubs.

3) If only all physical violence involved pirouettes and plies like in West Side Story, the world would be a better place.

4) The next generation isn't going to know Pluto or pennies. Is it even worth having children?

5) If you run choreography underwater, the lifeguards wonder if you're drowning.