Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas 2010

How come the italian bulldozers on Cake Boss can create beautiful cakes and I can't decently decorate a sugar cookie?

Exhibit A:

Gingers need representation too.
S'all about equality.

I tried to just use dots because even I have to be able to do that, and they looked okay on the trees and stars. Not so much on the snowmen. How come all my cookies look ill?

Well, at least these ones look happy. 

Naked, but happy.
But you know what kids craft I didn't fail at? Reese's Pieces. Booyah.

I guess there were other things going on other than my chocolate awesomeness. For example, decorations:

But then there's my decoration:

Feathers in my hair.
Waaay cooler than a Dancing Santa.
The rest of Christmas looked like this:

This guy sits in the kitchen and stares at me with his black eyes and scared felt skin.  Think Frosty meets Hannibal Lector. He's also at butt-level, which makes him even creepier.
 You see it too, right?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Did you know it's Wednesday? I didn't know it was Wednesday.

I did the math.

I need to get 2.4% on my final to pass.

And if I got that math wrong, I don't deserve to pass Calculus.

PS: Dear Calculus,

To stay focused and awake this evening, I was led to drastic measures. I hope you appreciate this gesture, as I would never have gotten through a full review without it.

That bag was about half full to begin with.
Now it is zero full.
I hope you're worth it.


Saturday, December 11, 2010

Boiling Water: Attempt 3

I was in the office, glaring at my uncooperative photoshop layers, when they knocked on the door and asked if they could make tea. Of course, I said. Then I remembered that we don't have a kettle here. Or a stove. But we have an industrial-use-only, multi-pot, heavy duty coffee machine. That's got to be good for something right?
The machine had two buttons at the top, with little lights beside them, and a big slab of paper taped above them saying DO NOT TOUCH. I touched. I mean, I work here, I'm supposed to, right?

I attempted to make coffee without the coffee beans, 'cause that's just boiled water (right? this feels like something I should know). First it made a pot of lukewarm water. Then a massive pot of almost boiling water, which mocked me with it's almostness. Then it scalded my finger and dripped hate and anger onto the counter. Not cool, coffee machine.

To my great relief, an electric kettle was bought and delivered. But as I squeezed it out of the box and tore off the plastic wrapping, I realized that we don't have a teapot.


Once on a school trip, a girl plugged in an electric kettle, put it on the stove, turned the element on, and then questioned what that burnt plastic smell was.