Tuesday, January 31, 2012

This would never have happened in a text message.

To graduate, my school makes everyone fulfill writing, quantitative (math) and breadth (other electives) requirements. An advisor finally called me back today and while I had him on the phone, I realized I didn't know if I'd completed them all.

Me: Oh, okay. And what about my...the requirements... What about my width?

Advisor: ...

Me: Not my width. I mean I know my width. I mean the... the required... writing and math and...

Advisor: Your Writing, Quantitative and Breadth requirements are fulfilled.

Me: Breadth!

Advisor: ...

Me: Sorry.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Pretend this was posted December 26th

Christmas 2011 consisted of lights,


and Justin Bieber. Life-size.

I learnt that there is no way to wrap a frying pan without it looking like a wrapped frying pan; that not everyone is familiar with GPA (I said 4.0 and they said outta 10?); and that sometimes, you're gonna get photo-bombed by a shark.

No really, a shark.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Shit My Teachers Taught Me: Fall 2011

This semester, I transferred to university. The campus is huge and confusing but they post helpful signs like this:

They also post WARNING signs, like when there are bears on campus. You might think that's terrifying, but don't worry, it's not like bears want to be on campus. Unless the campus is in their home. Unless the campus is smackdab in a forest on top of a mountain.

But think positively! No one has been mauled to death in their dorm by a bear in ages. Plus, my Psyc class taught me that optimistic people tend to live 7.6 years longer. So relax! No one's gonna die :)

See? Even the Timmies on campus (there's a Tim Hortons
 on campus!) draws lil smilies if it's not too busy :)
The first time I went to campus to scout out my classes, I got off the bus and trailed a group of students heading up the main stairs, hoping to figure out where I was and where to go. Turns out they weren't going to class--they were going to Tim Hortons. Best welcome-to-campus ever.

My major will be criminology, so my classes this semester were Canadian Law, Criminology, Research Methods in Criminology and Psyc. Crim is fascinating. It's also one of the few programs in which you probably shouldn't tell people much about it. Imagine meeting someone for coffee, getting to know them, saying, "That's so interesting! My speciality is prostitution!"


There's really no politically correct speciality in Crim. My Research Methods prof can talk for hours about drugs. Any drugs, all drugs. His 'favourite' is weed. If it's an illegal narcotic, he's there.

If I weren't planning on law school, my speciality would be sex offenders.

...And that's why I really need to go to law school. I have filled my quota, humming Christmas carols, writing about sex offenders. I wrote three papers this semester: one on adolescent sex offenders, one on treatment of adult sex offenders, and one called "Statistics: Misunderstood and Under-appreciated."

(What's more evil? Sex offenders or statistics?)

Also, you may not know this, but our Charter is the bomb. Spectacular. It should have it's own holiday. Maybe a mascot. The whole constitutional law plus common law thing we have going may be complicated, but man, we got it right. Charter win.

Did you know that there is almost zilch crime in back alleys? Unless they're right behind a nightclub or bar, the idea of the dark and dangerous alley is a myth. Everyone sees them as so scary that they avoid them, potential victims and offenders alike.

Shit My Teachers Taught Me: cut down that dark alley, it'll be fiiine.

The Matching Hypothesis, according to my Psyc textbook, states that you are most likely to commit to a partner who has the same level of physical attractiveness as you do.

Shit My Teachers Taught Me: if you want to marry Bradley Cooper, you're gonna need a treadmill first.

Administrative law is not as mindblowingly dull as it sounds. It includes human rights tribunals, so if you're discriminated against, you can do something about it, assuming it's listed in legislation.

Shit My Teachers Taught Me: being ugly is a legitimate (and legal) reason to fire somebody.

Isn't university great!