1) I spent an hour this morning moving thousands of dollars worth of paintings into a washroom. Ain't art grand?
2) When my doctor walked in, I automatically asked him how he was and he said, "Better than you because my blood work ain't all over the place." Well, shit.
3) On my way to an audition, I got lost in a forest. Again. How come this keeps happening?
4) Walked into Step class drinking Starbucks. Something's wrong here.
5) I feel bad for making the eye doctor wait while I'm crying, dabbing Kleenex and blinking frantically up at the ceiling. But at the same time—you stuck a needle in my eye. An actual needle. In my actual eye. You can gimme a minute.