What? No, it's not for ME, it's, uh, for one of my...characters. Yeah. Yeah, that's it.

I just googled how to remove security tags from clothing.

Near the lonely knoll I weep...

Excuse me, I have to go change into somber clothing.

...

Today, I had to go in front of my film class and pitch my idea. In the middle of it, I said "then they burn down her house--oh and it's a comedy!"

Nagini attacks Mr. W

These are JK Rowlings notes for part of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:

(Aren't they crazy cool! Each chapter was planned out, every plotline was tied up. The woman is a genius!)

These are my notes:

You'll notice my notes are actually the start of a story. It didn't go anywhere. Possibly due to a lack of notes. You may also notice the Hannah Montana lunch box underneath. Don't be a hater.

Pretty and Witty

Apparently posting one status with a link to my writing blog last January is not enough advertisement. People need to know that unpublished writers do more than whine and sip coffee and complain about how their muse broke up with them and now they will never be able to write anything worth reading ever ever again because their soul--and therefore, their career--have been abandoned for a blonde science major who doesn't "act like a fucking child when I have to go to work."

I should clarify that that is not a personal story.

Anywho, after whining and sipping and complaining, unpublished writers do consider writing things. And when this consideration aligns with the deadline of an assignment for a Creative Writing class, sometimes things actually get written.

And when they do, I post them HERE at my writing blog, Pretty and Witty.

I thought Pretty and Witty was a great title until I started posting some fairly ugly pieces so please pay attention to the subtitle. It makes me seem considerably less arrogant.

Here!  and TOTALLY HERE TOO!

And in case you haven't gotten the point yet because you only skim blogs, GO HERE!

Cowabunga! (...that's a funny word, right? Right?)

You know when a stand-up comic pauses after a joke to hear the sound of his success? I'm scared shitless of that pause. I don't write pure humour because, duh, what if it's not funny?

My professor pointed out that despite the tons and tons of tension building up in my short story, there's so much humour that it balances it out and doesn't overwhelm the reader.

Humour?

The piece, which is here if you're curious, has some funny lines. I always knew that. I just didn't realize that all together, there are a lot of funny sections. And a reference to Waldo.

One time we were at a restaurant making up silly lyrics to one of our GnS songs, and we had one that was pretty funny. My other friend was not impressed. "No, dude, I know funny."

He was right. It wouldn't have been funny, but in the three second gap between hearing the line and hearing his response, I thought it was, so suddenly, my entire scale of not funny to must make this my new facebook status! was thrown and I haven't gotten it back yet.

The monologue I wrote for my playwriting class last year? I thought it was seriously dramatic. Possibly too dramatic. I was hesitant to hand it in for fear of the seeing 'Sensationalized!' scrawled at the top and underlined in red felt pen.

Instead, they laughed!

I feel like I should make this post funny in some way. Ooh! Check this out!

"Was wittle English scared? Was wittle English gonna say a bad word?"

Since I'm taking Personal Narrative, I've been writing a lot of non-fiction things-that-actually-happened-to-me-with-people-I-actually-know.

So for my fiction class, I wrote a scene based on a friend of mine. The emphasis of the scene was to develop a character.

Three comments into the workshop, one of the guy's got honest:

"So, the character works really well because he's a convincing douchebag."

Heh.

My blogversary!

Ohmagawd it's ma birthday!

Actually, it's my blog's birthday--I'm one!--but close enough. And this is my 150th post!

Yesterday, I wrote my first short story in over two years. Two years I have only written plays and poetry--my favourite and least favourite forms--and not a single piece of creative prose.

I started writing prose, actually writing in general, because of fanfiction. In truth, fanfiction is just a little pathetic, but it's also a fantastic workshop opportunity due to the constant feedback. And unlike a novel, it's not intimidating.
The short story I wrote yesterday is called 'The Third'. I'll wait a while and if I still like it in two months, I'll post it on my writing blog, Pretty and Witty.

...Happy Birthday!

The Paper Empire

Today, my first poem got workshopped in my Poetry class.

It's called The Paper Empire and is a freestyle, comedic story of how an office gets conquered by loose leaf paper. Originally, I'd written a sad poem about a sad moment and then read another sad poem someone else had written and decided there is simply too much sad poetry in the world. So instead, the paperclips became POWs and my beloved pen was taken hostage and my office fell at fifteen hundred hours (and I even wrangled in an Ikea reference).

The workshop went well. People called it clever, brilliant and polished (which it's not), and seemed to focus so much on the humour and wit that they forgot about the crappy adjectives and awkward phrasing. So no embarrassment for me!

On a completely unrelated topic, the guy sitting in front of me on the bus today had a half-burnt cigarette tucked behind his ear. I used sheer willpower to revive an ember and have it burn his hair off but it didn't work, so I just sat and tried to ignore the stench. Oh well.

Rumplestiltskin

I am going to write a pantomime.

I don't know when or, honestly, how, but I'm going to and it's going to be epic.

Or at least mediocre.

The Best Five Hours Spent On Earth

Today, I wrote a play.

:)

The Pen Is Not Only Mightier, It Cuts Deeper Too.

Sometimes, I scare myself.

I'll get this image, and I'll run with it and suddenly, my pen will slip out of my hand and I'll stare at the paper for a while, transfixed.

Did I do that? Did I create that? (Could it happen?)

I wrote a story tonight.

Out damned spot, out I say!

Shakespeare hates your emo poems.

I'm just putting that out there.

When I started writing, I wrote bad poetry. And I mean truly, excruiatingly bad. Everything revolved around whatever words rhymed (they were bad rhymes too, oh man), there was no proper rhyme scheme, and certainly no rhythm.

At least it wasn't emo. Most of my poems were about things around me, like flowers, holidays, my cat etc. Shakespeare probably would have hated them too.

I think this is the big difference between people and writers. Not that writers aren't people, we're just...weird people. We're quiet and morbid and we think too much in general, or at least I do.

I had a point, right?

Right. I know that those poems were bad. I know how to write decent poetry now, I've studied and Google'd it, and I know to avoid the kind of poetry that gives poetry a bad name. I'm certainly no poet, but I get by.

But most people don't ever look back at their bad poetry, so they never learn how to make good poetry.

So that's the difference.

Anyway, Shakespeare rocks. But he could get away with anything. For example:

Guy get's stabbed: 'Oh, I am slain!'

And then he's dead. Seriously. End scene.

Shakespeare wrote that (Hamlet). The plot of Macbeth revolved around a c-section. He ranted about suicide over and over and over again. And how many times did we have to watch a play within a play?

We worship him, and deservedly so, but honestly, if I pulled any of that crap...

PS: ...whenever I take off really heavy stage make-up, I alway quote Lady Macbeth.

Tis now the very witching time of night
When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out
Contagion to this world. Now, could I drink hot blood
And do such bitter business as the day
Would quake to look on.